I confess, I’m not 100% confidence but no one ever is. If you are 100% confidence, all the time you’re are a narcissist and maybe need a psychotic evaluation. Worse than having the amount of confidence I do have, about five years ago I had no/ a tiny bit of confidence. I didn’t start gaining any confidence until about three years ago and the amount I do have I owe it all to my fiancé.
If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think I would be the woman I am today writing this blog. I wouldn’t have gained the courage to pick up a camera and start arting again. While I’ve been with him, my confidence has fluctuated up and down, back and forth over the past four years. After I got injured and lost my job I got very depressed and had little self-esteem. Even the past year I’ve had quite a few sad weeks and fallen almost back to my old self. But the difference is, I’ve had him to talk to and was able to pick myself back up quickly.
All of the depression has to do with me being out of work and not producing an income. Even though my fiancé and I discuss the plan ahead, I still have a concern about the near distant future. I fear that doctors are never going to give me a clear answer about my condition and throw medication at me. In the meantime, I will never get back to work for years and my fiancé and I will not have that second income we so desperately need. It drives me nuts all the time!!!!
But for years I didn’t have that much confidence. When I was a little girl I never was called “pretty” or “beautiful”, not even by my father. But when I met and started dating my fiancé, that all changed. If it wasn’t for him, I would never have found out that I have depression. I would still be suicidal, working at a manual labor job deteriorating my health at a faster rate. The only reason why I have as much confidence as I do now is because I confide in what was going on with me to someone (him).
Yes, financially I am in a worse place then I was four years ago, but emotionally I am great. For the most part, I am satisfied with what I am doing. I love being a girly, girl again! Looking good, putting on makeup, doing my hair, and taking care of myself. Well, take care of what I can, the pain is the one thing I cannot take care of. Most of all, I found out what I love doing and that’s being creative and doing photography. I just wish I could do this full time. That’s what also helps with my confidence, doing what you like to do. I am not one of those people that can go to work and not enjoy it. It’s just not my personality.
Surrounding myself with positive people and following babes on Instagram that are like me on social media has helped me this past year in discovering myself. Not having a boss or a job breathing down my throat while being surrounded by miserable people, meanwhile I am in pain every day has helped my health not get any worse. Positive people, including my fiancé, have also helped me be more open about my life and that’s why I am able to wake up and own it most days.
Love you all,